So, another big meeting is over! although this year it has really left a distinct mark on me. It’s left me asking myself literally hundreds of questions, of which I don’t mind as I’ve said before trading has done a lot for me as far as self enlightenment and ‘soul searching’ goes..
Today it really hit me smack in the face full-on which was rather strange. After a reaction, a brief conversation and a long chat with a family member who’s well into psychology its left my head well and truly pickled. I’ll try to explain…
So today, Saturday the 17th March. The day after the Cheltenham gold cup, a day where trading is not expected to produce much fruit for its labour. Mainly because a lack of mug money, punters cash has been pouring into the markets all week. Which means, the day after its likely to be traders battling against each other with the bots in the mix as well.
However, I believe Cheltenham has had a rather positive effect on my mental state and attitude towards what im doing. Yesterday was another clean sheet… no great surprise as I only traded the highly liquid races with a degree of discipline, although today it reached around 1600 hrs and I was pretty bored with what I was doing. I felt pretty hungry and was quite simply fed up of ladders! With a long weeks trading I stopped to look at my profit and loss sheet….. again I had a clean sheet. I hadn’t even realised until I looked, what’s more I had made almost the same as Thursday the day before the gold cup… WTF would probably be an understatement? that’s not normal for me.
The worst thing I found when I realised myself doing it was it was almost as if psychologically I was saying to myself, them results look like a pro’s … quite dismissive of the fact they were actually my produce for the day?!
After speaking to another trader briefly I got the feeling they knew what I was on about from past experience. I have taken care to ponder on their wise words. Thanks if you read the blog.
Basically they said I shouldn’t be looking at my results race by race day by day, more month by month if anything. The reasoning I can see behind this is probably because one I do that a lot and two it’s probably actually counter productive, and now I quite believe it.
The more I think about it, im still getting wound up if I have a £10 – £20 loss, or if its higher than that im almost treating it like a train wreck?! (I mean mentally obviously).
It then really hinders my results for the day or sometimes longer, they advised I treat it like a game with numbers rather than money which is interesting.
So what’s the problem? well I’ve been at the level or at least capable of the level im at now trading for a long time, and yeah sure it’s not bad but everyone want’s more right? Well I do anyway..
It’s left me thinking; if I don’t actually believe im capable of some the results I’d like to achieve, how the hell am I going to get there? I mean if I keep putting in the same ingredients, why am I expecting a different cake?
After all im sure all the big trading names that float about in cyberspace don’t use the stakes I am to get the results they are. To up my game I need to up my stakes for one, but the main thing for me is I need to be able to accept that losses happen irrespective of size, also sure the big guns dont batter an eyelid when they lose £20.
I mean in the grand picture its sod all, and I cant expect to keep winning £20 if I don’t put myself in the place where I could lose such amounts. The main thing though is I need to start believing in myself properly….. I mean I have a job and the word ‘pro’ may be a little too suggestive but are my results not on the way there?? Feel free to vote on the poll, top left (now closed), it would be good to hear how others view such a statement. I think im definitely self-limiting.
Okay so all that aside, I called up the closest I have to a therapist at the mo to discuss how im feeling about this and how it’s limiting me etc… to cut a long conversation short they reminded me about my risky behaviour in just about every aspect of life and how one of the most famous psychologists ever said that sort of behaviour and in particular gambling is linked to psychological self harming (avoiding success in a sense) and low esteem… not sure, but can relate to that a little.
The main thing that came up was when you think about it its pretty much right, when I lose it confirms how I feel in the sense that im not successful enough and winds me up. I can get frustrated and snappy where as when I win consistently or to a respectable level I tend to have the ‘that was luck’ attitude, which is not good either. Anything beyond £15, £20 I tend to feel like that, not much of a wonder it doesn’t happen many times a day is it?
So having a bout of nice results has helped me a little I think, but I need to explore this understanding within myself. And cement this idea that im actually worthy of more than £20 in a race. Also not to be scared of using the stakes that could potentially allow me to profit more (I don’t mean all the time, just when its right)
After-all when people see these greens of £50 or more you don’t really think these people are only using £100 a pop?
Furthermore the most important thing is going to be able to accept loosing some cash without the feeling of suppressed self-esteem and frustration… again the highly profitable’s profit/loss sheets you see would show they aren’t particularly worried when they lose 20, 40 or even 50 quid. An invaluable quality in my opinion as I often wreck a days trade after a ‘blip’.
Please feel free to comment if you have a opinion on all this should you agree or not, im interested (go easy though!).
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